Yesterday I had a bit of a rough day mood wise. I think sitting in this dark room is starting to get to me. I have a really large beautifully decorated room, but the lighting is always like mood lighting, so it is kind of dark, which can be cozy or just plain gloomy. I hadn't been able to go out in a wheel chair for almost 2 full days, and I started feeling like I was caved in.
On top of feeling trapped, and having no fresh air for several days, I learned that Niko had a runny nose and eyes, which mean I can't see him until he is better. :( This kills me the most.
I cried three different times yesterday, just not knowing how long I could handle this.
I talked to my doctor about inducement dates, and we are still playing it somewhat by ear, but have tentatively talked about inducing in 2 weeks when Noah will be almost 36 weeks old. I know the longer Noah cooks the better, but can I handle 2 more weeks??? Two more weeks away from Pablo? Two more weeks away from Niko? ahgh. I know one day this will be just a faded memory... One month out of my whole life does not seem that long. But, it's still not easy in the present. And, I don't think people understand what it feels like to only see your little boy for an hour a day when you are used to taking care of him all day, every day. It's hard.
It could still be worse, and God has been so great, so I will continue to keep my head up, or at least try.:)
Thank you all for your continued prayers as we get through this time. We really appreciate it!!
ox, jayme
It is Well With My Soul
7 years ago
2 comments:
I know how you feel Jayme. Being cooped up is very depressing. These last few weeks with little to no sunshine has been particularly hard on me as well. But you are right. What is one month compared to giving life to a perfectly healthy baby? It is NOT pleasant right now, but it will be worth it. Try to keep your mind off the gloom but focusing on the 'baby positives'....I found watching too much TV while trapped in the Hospital bed was counterproductive ... stick with books or movies or magazines. You can do it! I wish I could help in some way! I'm feeling your pain from up here! But it is almost done! Hallelujah!! Much Love!
Still praying my friend and I love you lots...
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