A lesson in patience, love, and more patience…

Today is October 12, 2009 and I have been in the hospital on bed rest now for 11 days.
I can’t tell you how glad I am to say that. While bed rest does not normally equal fun, I have been so thankful for each day that Noah continues to cook and stay where he belongs.

I am no longer on antibiotics so I am no longer hooked up to an IV which is awesome! There is nothing worse then feeling like you are strapped to the bed you have been ordered to stay in (HELLO, I’m not in the psych ward!). I am done with steroid shots, and let me tell you those HURT! I wear leg pumps during the day and night to avoid getting blood clots. I get my temperature and blood pressure checked every 4 hours to check for signs of infection, and I get strapped to a monitor for an hour twice a day to watch Noah’s heartbeat and watch to see if I am having contractions. In between all these things I try to choose an activity to keep me busy… read, watch tv, talk to my mom, look at a magazine, search the web, and (drum roll please) go on wheelchair rides. I absolutely love my wheel chair rides. I have a room whose windows overlook the inside of the hospital so I don’t see a spec of daylight unless Pablo wheels me out to get a view, so that part of my day is essential to keeping my sanity. :)

Overall I’ve been able to keep positive and upbeat. I can see how patients on bed rest could get easily soured and frustrated with their situation, but I’m trying hard to stay optimistic. I have it so easy compared to some… several of my nurses have talked about patients they had for 2+ months! Can you imagine???

That is not to say that I haven’t had some rough days here and there. One being the first day I was admitted. I laid awake until 3 am just trying to come to terms with what had just happened and trying to grasp the reality that my baby was going to be born early, and now it was just a waiting game. I’ve also had nights where I lay awake missing my husband and my Niko. I worry about how Niko is adjusting to all this, if he will be damaged for life, if he will ever forgive me for being absent from him for a month?? Oh, how I worry about him. :( He shows signs of not adjusting well, and it really kills me. Another hard day was 2 mornings ago when I woke up at 7am one morning starting my morning routine when I hear over the speakers, “high alert, high alert, room 264.” “Paging Dr. Smith, high alert.” My nurse who was in the room with me at the time drops what she is doing and runs out. The next few moments were filled with the sounds of people yelling and running. This was a girl several doors down from me. I have to admit I was spooked. I called Pablo crying, saying “I don’t want that to happen to me… I’m scared.” Then it happened again this morning with another girl… my goodness we’re dropping like flies in here. J Not that they died, but they went into emergency c-sections it sounded like. I am on the antepartum unit which is a wing of girls who are waiting to give birth, either their water broke or they have preeclampsia, or toxemia, or other similar things. From what I hear, I am one of the healthiest ones here, so I am pretty lucky. Nonetheless, the thought of being in an emergency situation and have nurses and doctors running around me scares the cookies out of me. But, I am praying that things don’t come to that, and if they did I know God will be with me, as He always has.

The awesome thing is that I feel surrounded by love. I’ve felt God’s presence in all of this, holding my hand, and at times when I didn’t have strength He was holding me up.
Then there is Pablo who really is the sweetest husband in the world. We’ve been through so much together in our 9 years of loving one another, and there is no other person I’d rather have by my side. I love him as much today as I did when we were dating. He still melts my heart and makes me feel an emotion deep down that no one else has ever come close to. I’ve also been surrounded my friends and family (my parents, and pablo’s mom) who are making sacrifices to be here and help us through this time. Wow, it feels good to be loved, and Noah I believe is going to come into the world thriving, because there is no way he does not feel this love for him as well.

Well, that’s my book for now. I will keep you updated as time and days go by.
ox, jayme